The formal and informal mentoring relationships created within an organization or between professional colleagues are becoming more and more common as people look to develop talent and acquire knowledge. Being a Mentor can be very rewarding. Providing support, suggestions and information to someone eager for it can enrich both your career and theirs. Sometimes however, in an effort to provide assistance, some Mentors go too far. If you want to avoid crossing that line, it’s good to know where it is in the first place.
Avoid:
Putting Your Money Into Their Business Ideas
Investing in your Mentee’s business changes your role: you have now gone from Mentor to Partner. You now have a ‘not so hidden’ agenda as well as a conflict of interest. It's going to be impossible to be objective about your advice and feedback when your money is at stake. Your Mentee can become wary about telling you anything negative because they are now worried about an unfavorable reaction. Rather than invest - assure them that you are honored to be considered as a potential investor but prefer to keep the relationship as a mentoring partnership only.
Working for Them
It doesn't really matter whether you are hired with or without pay - when you do the actual work, you have become an employee. The work your Mentee is responsible for should either be done by them or they should be hiring someone (else) to do the job. Your role is to work behind the scenes. A Mentor can help determine the best way to get things done or provide feedback, but should not be doing the actual work.
Becoming a Personal Counselor
While you can (and probably will) discuss life issues and challenges, pay attention to the line between work and personal issues. If the Mentee is coping with a large psychological concern (e.g., overwhelming anxiety, depression or euphoria, divorce, substance use, parenting, aging parents, a crisis of faith), a Mentor does not give personal advice and counseling. Be willing to listen and point out that you are not an expert in that personal area, and are not a therapsit or counslor. Suggest a call to a local or national hotline that deals with the specific concern (or if the firm/employer has an EAP, suggest an internal resource.)
It’s not always easy to know where the limits of the Mentor/Mentee relationship are. Many of you who are Menoring others are eager to help and are not always clear about where the limits lie. And a lot of Mentees are eager to have trusted Mentors play additional roles in thier lives. Having a clear idea of what things are definitely out of bounds from the start can help you identify areas to avoid.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
No Matter How Much Snow Fell - Email Doesn't Work for Everything
In case you have been cut off from the world for the last two weeks, you know that the Mid-Atlantic region has been doubly socked with snow storms. Everyone has been connecting more than usual via email in an effort to cancel, reschedule, work, delay work, and keep connected. Yes - email is a great way to do all of that, but it falls short in some critical areas. Electronic communication will never be an adequate stand-in and replacement for meeting with someone in-person.
The amount of distance between you and your employees, clients, colleagues, or boss has no relation to how misunderstnadings and conflicts can arise. With so much of how we communicate done through non-verbal behaviors, physical distance often results in an increase in problems that arise from trying to convey our intentions.
A great rule to consider unbreakable under any circumstances is:
Never ever try to resolve a conflict using email.
With no non-verbal cue to clue people in to your intention, the receiver of your communication has to guess what you mean. Amazingly, most of us make negative assumptions, not positive ones. So take the guesswork out of it. As soon as you get a sense that you are being misunderstood, pick up the phone. And if you can't talk to the person you need to in real time, DON’T leave a message that can be left open to misinterpretation. Make it clear that you need to talk to them and ask for the best time to do so.
Resolving conflict when you are separated by distance, even if it’s on another floor of the building takes a little more effort and time. But clarifying the message and your intention to insure effective communication saves you much more time in the long run.
The amount of distance between you and your employees, clients, colleagues, or boss has no relation to how misunderstnadings and conflicts can arise. With so much of how we communicate done through non-verbal behaviors, physical distance often results in an increase in problems that arise from trying to convey our intentions.
A great rule to consider unbreakable under any circumstances is:
Never ever try to resolve a conflict using email.
With no non-verbal cue to clue people in to your intention, the receiver of your communication has to guess what you mean. Amazingly, most of us make negative assumptions, not positive ones. So take the guesswork out of it. As soon as you get a sense that you are being misunderstood, pick up the phone. And if you can't talk to the person you need to in real time, DON’T leave a message that can be left open to misinterpretation. Make it clear that you need to talk to them and ask for the best time to do so.
When you get them on the phone:
- Pay careful attention to the tone of your voice. You want to sound as you intend to.
- Remove distractions and focus on this conversation. If you are doing something else while talking (such as checking your email), they will get the impression that this conversation isn’t that important to you.
- Check to make sure they are hearing your message accurately by asking them. ("Just to be sure, what is the message that you think I'm relaying to you?")
- Listen to their tone and see if it is hesitant, uncertain, or disbelieving. If it is, they may still have some doubt about your message.
Resolving conflict when you are separated by distance, even if it’s on another floor of the building takes a little more effort and time. But clarifying the message and your intention to insure effective communication saves you much more time in the long run.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Show me Someone Else's Success First - Then I'll Let you Try (Huh?!)
In order to stay competitive, get the same (or more) done with the resources you have, retain clients and attract new ones, innovation is required. True innovation is finding a NEW way of doing something. You don't have to be an expert in CQI, Six Sigma or LEAN to know that the 300 year old candle industry hadn't changed much until someone innovated it into a colorful, aromatic multi-billion dollar business.
If you'd prefer to play it safe, try this terrific Innovation Killer: "Who else has done this?"
A genuine breakthrough won't have a history to prove that it works. Try using the logic of what could be based on what you know. So rather than looking at what you know to be true, encourage your people to look at what could be true.
What if we typed only using our thumbs? You'd have Blackberry.
What if we made one cup of coffee at a time? You'd have Kuerig.
What if we received a signal from a global satellite? You'd have GPS.
What if we stood during meetings? They might be shorter.
Jumping into the unknown is the path to innovation. No matter what you call it - Brainstorming, Greenlighting, or MindMapping, the goal is to nurture ideas rather than kill them. Because I work with teams who want to do this better, I can tell you that it's tricky business and often counterintuitive and counter to the organizational culture. But if you want to turn the future into an innovative and attractive reality, allow people to create the proof leaders need to make that innovative commitment.
Figure out how much risk, learning, and even loss you can tolerate. Almost every 'right guess' had many 'incorrect' or 'close guesses' first. Let people try. The evidence of those attempts will be what you need to move forward.
If you'd prefer to play it safe, try this terrific Innovation Killer: "Who else has done this?"
It seems that few organizations want to be the first at anything. Many of my clients look at my existing client list to see who else like them has hired me. The fear of being the first stops many CEO's and Managers from true innovation. If you ask someone to ‘prove it' first, you don't have to take a chance.
A genuine breakthrough won't have a history to prove that it works. Try using the logic of what could be based on what you know. So rather than looking at what you know to be true, encourage your people to look at what could be true.
What if we typed only using our thumbs? You'd have Blackberry.
What if we made one cup of coffee at a time? You'd have Kuerig.
What if we received a signal from a global satellite? You'd have GPS.
What if we stood during meetings? They might be shorter.
Figure out how much risk, learning, and even loss you can tolerate. Almost every 'right guess' had many 'incorrect' or 'close guesses' first. Let people try. The evidence of those attempts will be what you need to move forward.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Small Talk Can Make a Big Impression
This week I will have been out more trying to connect with people I don't know (yet) than talking to people I know well (or live with!) Small talk, cocktail chatter, kibitzing – this is the communication staple of networking. Many people confess that they are not very good at it and so they end up either avoiding it completely, talking on and on about things that hold no interest for anyone, or making a sales pitch as soon as they are introduced.
Shooting the breeze EFFECTIVELY is strategic and focused. You can use small talk to help develop a team, create and strengthen your relationship with colleagues, obtain leverage to help secure support, or simply make your relationships more pleasant.
If you enjoy the art of making conversation, it is probably because you like learning about other people. But many people enjoy hearing themselves talk! (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) But if you want to harness the power of small talk and enhance your relationships or improve the work environment you will have to give up listening to yourself and begin learning about others.
Engage THEM
Reduce the amount of declarative sentences you say and increase the number of questions you ask. Shift from “Hey Donna! I just saw the new Scorsese movie over the weekend,” to “Donna! Do you like movies?”
You already know what you like and don’t like. Rather than use up valuable air time repeating what you already know, use small talk to learn something new. If knowledge is power then the more you know about Donna, the stronger your basis for communication with her.
Small talk allows you to learn the wants, needs, goals, desires, thoughts, and hot buttons of the people with whom you work, and those with whom you want to work with in the future. The more you know about these folks, the more effectively you can communicate with them.
It is to your advantage to appeal to the self interest of others and small talk is the vehicle that can help you learn about their self interest.
The most intersting line I heard this week?
"That's a terrific picture of you on your website. Do you really look like that?"
See how much fun networking can be?!
Shooting the breeze EFFECTIVELY is strategic and focused. You can use small talk to help develop a team, create and strengthen your relationship with colleagues, obtain leverage to help secure support, or simply make your relationships more pleasant.
If you enjoy the art of making conversation, it is probably because you like learning about other people. But many people enjoy hearing themselves talk! (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) But if you want to harness the power of small talk and enhance your relationships or improve the work environment you will have to give up listening to yourself and begin learning about others.
Engage THEM
Reduce the amount of declarative sentences you say and increase the number of questions you ask. Shift from “Hey Donna! I just saw the new Scorsese movie over the weekend,” to “Donna! Do you like movies?”
You already know what you like and don’t like. Rather than use up valuable air time repeating what you already know, use small talk to learn something new. If knowledge is power then the more you know about Donna, the stronger your basis for communication with her.
Small talk allows you to learn the wants, needs, goals, desires, thoughts, and hot buttons of the people with whom you work, and those with whom you want to work with in the future. The more you know about these folks, the more effectively you can communicate with them.
It is to your advantage to appeal to the self interest of others and small talk is the vehicle that can help you learn about their self interest.
The most intersting line I heard this week?
"That's a terrific picture of you on your website. Do you really look like that?"
See how much fun networking can be?!
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