How "Heraclitus" of You

A while back, I was meeting with a client and we were talking about our work together. It focused on the nature of change and how it was impacting his organization and the executive team. He quoted a Greek philosopher, saying that the man was best known for expressing the notion that you can not step into the same river twice.

Later, he did some some research and sent me an email about Heraclitus (the Greek Philosopher in question), who lived during the late 6th century BCE. The actual proposition was that "although the waters are always changing, the rivers stay the same." Critical of those who did not see the unity in experience, Heraclitus claimed that while opposites are necessary for life, they are unified in a system of balanced exchanges. His point was that while everything is changing, some things change so that it’s possible for the continued existence of other things.

“Managing Change” (individual) and “Leading Through Change: (organizational) are two of my most requested programs. The focus might be on the stages of change, the phases of change, the individual perspectives of change, the plan for change, a potential problem protection process, a roll out plan, a communication plan, or a follow through plan. However, a large majority of the leaders I work with want to get better at managing the transition process and think they can improve thier performance in managing it and improve the effiiciency of others going through it.

We might talk about the pressure for change, creating a shared vision, having the capacity to change, resiliency, and the creation of a plan. We rarely, however, talk about transition as part of a holistic view.

When I designed my first training program on change (way back in the olden days), it contained a module that explored the key changes that can happen in our lives. An interactive exercise that helped participants focus on the universality of change, it usually came down to personal experiences. Learning to drive, leaving home, the first job, a marriage, the birth of a child, a divorce, a death , an illness or accident – these changes were key moments in our lives that shaped us. Not everyone served in the armed forces, experienced a life threatening illness or a devastating act of nature. Everyone, however, had experienced the changes that come from growing older. As Gail Sheehey observes in her books Passages and More Passages, there are some things we experience, simply because we have entered a new decade.

People reported a learned resiliency, a devastating turn of events, a major shift in thought, or a new awareness. Although the experiences were highly personal, they were also universal, My clients today, however, prefer that I focus on the strategic and organizational aspects of change and steer clear of the stuff that seemed a little ‘touchy-feely.’ So that portion of the program fell by the wayside.

I have a new clarity about this. Managing trasntion well is really about finding our footing anew and locating our place. If we can resist a bit less and explore a bit more, there may be fewer struggles. Like Heraclitus, I view transition like water in the stream, always different water, yet still part of the stream.

Whose Time Is It?

The Managers in the training program I conducted this week were not happy. We were covering delegation and time management – tools that go hand in hand. I repeated a few of the mantras they hear me say over and over again in the several sessions we are together:

You should be doing the things ONLY you can do.


Management is about getting work done through others – not doing the work of others.


If you can’t develop your employees – what are they there for?


This past week, they took an assessment that measured their time and energy management and returned to training to share the results. Many were unhappy. The bad news was that they thought they were managing their time (work) well, but had learned that they were not. No one likes to see that! Making them even more unhappy - they couldn't disagree with the results.

The good news however, was this was something they could fix.

Small changes can net big results: when someone asks if you have a minute (to help out, to answer a question, to show them something), if you are doing something else – then the answer is “no.” And it needs to be a congruent ‘no.’ Saying ‘no' and stopping to talk/listen looks like a ‘yes.’ Waiting for them to continue with what they want to request looks like a ‘yes.’

“That feel rude,” I’m told.

“Who is controlling your time?” I ask.

Tell them to email the question to you and you’ll get to it before the end of the day. Tell them you’ll be in your office and available at a specific time. Allowing interruptions all day long robs you of minutes here and minutes there and before long you are at everyone’s beck and call and none of your tasks are being completed.

Don’t pick up the phone if you are on your way out to a meeting. Don’t tell someone you have time to talk if you don’t.

And sure – you can even say “I don’t mean to appear rude, but I’m finding that I have to stop allowing interruptions that take me off task. I want very much to help you, but this afternoon, later, tomorrow, is a better time for me. I hope you understand.”

I bet they would.


Whose time is it?

If No One Has Asked You for Advice - Save it

Not everyone who offers advice has been asked for it! While advice not requested is rarely taken well, there are things you can do to enhance the reception of your advice and things you may be doing to sabotage your well-meaning efforts.

Good advice is a wonderful gift but if not offered in a positive and constructive way, it will be ignored. If you really want your advice to be taken rather than simply heard, I’ve got some suggestions:

First, Shut Up
Really listen. Most situations are more complex and involved that they first appear. Get as much information as you can before offering advice. You may only be getting part of the story and advice based on incomplete information is best ignored. Ask questions to make sure you fully understand the situation.

They Are NOT Complete Twits
Unsolicited advice may feel like an intrusion into a person’s personal affairs. It can be seen as an implication that they are incapable of figuring out an issue or thinking for themselves, and taken as an insult.

Who Cares What You Think?
Ask if they are interested in your thoughts. Show them respect and prevent being intrusive by asking if they want your input. You could say something like “As I listen to you, some ideas occur to me that you might find useful. Would you like to hear them?” Remember that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ answer are both perfectly acceptable.

No Pressure and No Strings
Offer your advice without being pushy. We can never be totally sure about what is best for someone else. There are many things that we can never really know. While we can offer perspective, insights, shares our ideas and history, the other person needs to be trusted to make the decision that they think is best for them.


Like feedback, advice can be offered, but the recipient can choose what is right for him or her. Suggestions that are requested are far more likely to be considered than those that are pushed.

Be Different - SHUT UP!

Professionals who are interested in getting ahead often have a great deal of terrific information, ideas, and suggestions to impart. However, that is not what impresses most Executive Management today.

The ability to make someone feel that they are the most important person in the room is the skills that is the most rare and the most prized. Listening to others, giving them your full attention, and finding them of interest NOT because they can do something for you, but because they are interesting to you, is a rare and precious skill.

If it’s so easy to do, why is it such a rarity? I think it is becasue people today are distracted easily and many simply don’t have the mental discipline to use this skill in a routine and automatic way. If you are interested in developing this most prized and elusive skill, take heart. I've got some tips:

• Listen. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted. Put down the IPhone, Balckberry, book, memo; trun off or away from the computer screen.

• Don’t interrupt. This is all about you paying attention to them, not you talking to them.

• Don’t finish their sentences. Let them talk

• Don’t tell them that you know what they mean. Try to keep your mouth closed!

• Don’t disagree. Avoid using the words “but,” and “no.”

• Stay focused. Don’t let your attention wander. Don’t look up or around to see who else has entered the room.

• Keep up your end of the conversation. Ask good questions. Indicate that you are paying attention by asking for more detail or clarification. Follow up questions that get to a deeper level of understanding or ask for more information are a good indication of your curiousity.  

• Don’t try to impress them. This interaction is not about how smart or funny you are, it’s about them.

  

Oddly enough, the more they get to shine, the better you look! You probably have already done this: on a first date, in a job interview, or with the boss. Doing it consistently is something most people don’t do. If you can behave this way all the time and make others feel special, you will rise above the crowd.