You Don't Really Love Me - I'm Leaving!

I occasionally joke in training programs when the topic of motivation comes up, that being married does not motivate people to stay married. Many folks (OK, more men than women, but that’s just been my experience; yours may differ) think that marrying someone is the best indication of “I love you” that there is. Once accomplished, it doesn’t really have to be said again.

When I say that out loud, program participants and audiences laugh. But there is also some recognition that perhaps they have not done enough to make their partner feel loved. Today’s Managers and Executives are beginning to notice that providing employment is not the same things as motivating your people. And if you don’t show them that you ‘love’ them – as the economy improves, they will leave.

It doesn’t have to be that way. While you can’t undo the months of neglect and challenge while everyone was holding on with their fingernails, you CAN do some things that matter – and matter right now:

• Know What They Want – Don’t guess about what you think they want or assume they are like you and want what you want. Ask them what they would find motivating. And while you are at it – ask them what de-motivates them. While you can’t promise anyone a job that is free of unhappiness, you can at least know what hurdles may be placed in their way.

• Stop the Buck – It’s not HR, or the Board of Directors, or the compensation committee, or the CEO (unless that’s you!) who is in charge of retaining your employees – it’s you! Most studies indicate that allegiance (as well as disloyalty) for employees lies with their manager. YOU are the one in charge of keeping your good employees.

• Get Out of Their Way – Most employees are eager to build a positive future with the organizations they work for but if you are not helping them crate that attractive future you may be standing in their way and obstructing them from opportunities. They aren’t interested in tryin to change you – they’ll simply leave.

• Inclusion – Do you respect your employees and make them feel welcome or do your prejudices get in the way. Everyone can make occasional prejudgments about others (parents won’t stay late; women avoid conflict; people in their 20’s can’t relate to customers in their 60’s) but if it stops you from valuing the human resources who report to you, they probably feel that.

• Go to Grow – If employees think that there is only a small chance for them to grow professionally, whether it is in terms of a paycheck, a title, skill development. or responsibility, they will leave. You lose the investment of time and money, the potential they could have made in the future and you might have provided the competition with an advantage.

• Or Else – If you make your employees choose between work and home, it creates stress and resentment. While it often can come down to a difficult choice, as adults, it’s theirs to make. Punishing them for not choosing as you want or as you would makes you act like a punishing parent, and it may cause them to act like kids.

The economy is not improving in leaps and bounds and those of us who have been hanging on may need to continue to hang on. Don’t forget to hang on to your employees too.

How Good of a Partner Are You?

Mid-Level managers may not set strategy and vision nor are they just learning how to delegate, motivate and influence. Strong managers at this level are strong internal partners. They understand the benefits of internal collaboration. They understand that partnerships don't simply happen because everyone works for the same organization. Organizational charts are nice but they have little to do with how peope actually work together or get along with one another. Working alongside oone another is hardly a guarantee that you will develop a good partnership.

Not only are there techniques that are required to enhance a partnership, but they must be practiced, and honed to increase the benefit of peer collaboration.

TIPS

• Control Your Controlling – Being a partner requires give and take. There is no ‘boss.’ Resist the urge to direct which is a popular pitfall for managers. Watch for clues that other people are feeling pushed around. Ask open-ended questions – and they stop talking and listen to the answer.

• Socialize - To manage is to be social. The more time you spend together, the more natural partnering will feel. The more you know someone, the more likely you will develop trust. AND - the more they get to know you, the more likely they will see you as trustworthy. It's a two way street. Since good communication is an essential part of strong partnerships, all of the skills involved need to be cultivated as well. You are more likely to partner with people you know well so whether you are outgoing or shy, collegial relationships are the building blocks for internal partnerships. Schmoozing pays off. (As long as you don't come off as a phoney.)

• Patch the Past – Your past follows you around and if you have had previous relationship issues you need to resolve them and put them behind you in order to develop a good foundation for the present and the future. While not everyone wants to improve relationships, you should try. If you have tried everything and the past issues can not (or will not) be resolved, try to work with others if possible.

• Mom Would Be Proud – Mom used to say (MY mom anyway) “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. “ Never speak badly about your peers to others. It reflects poorly on you when you do it and can burn needed bridges within your firm. You can disagree – but communicate it directly to the person you don’t agree with.

• Own It – Don’t pass the buck. No one likes to be blamed for problems and shifting the blame won’t win you any fans.

• Share Credit – Success in partnerships comes from collaboration so everyone gets the credit. Success is always a joint effort. If everyone feels part of the success, it can create positive energy going forward.

• Know Their Desire – Good partners understands needs, goals, and concerns of the people with whom they work on a regular basis. What keeps them up at night? What are their strengths and areas for development? What frustrates them? What do you expect from them? What do they expect from you (and your department)?

As a peer and an internal resource if you can become an advocate for your colleagues, you can add value in their pursuit for results. Don’t doubt for one minute that being a valuable internal partner doesn't reflect well on you and your employees. You can extend the reach of your employees and create powerful alliances that serve the organization.

I Don't Speak Jargon Well

I had a great meeting today with a colleague. We met at a Starbucks that was situated half way between where he was off to next and where I was off to next. We were referred to each other by a connection who thought it made sense for us to meet.

"Tell me what you do." I suggested. “I’ve been to your web site, and I have an understanding of your firm, but help me understand your role a little better.”

After mentioning something about ‘value added,’ and ‘passion’ in air-quotes, we both laughed. I told my new pal that he was only allowed three jargon buzz words and after that ------- well, I wasn't sure, but three seemed to be all either of us wanted to admit to using.

Since we both deal in communication skills training and modeling, it made sense to try and behave accordingly. If we can’t figure out what each other really does, it’s unlikely we’ll be helping each other much.

It’s hard to know if its technology or all the Gen-Xer and Gen-Y’s in the workplace (although we were sitting across from each other and both Baby Boomers) but too much jargon in communication is simply weak communication. I don’t know what all the terms mean, but when other use them with such ease - I feel as if I should.

I asked a few people if they knew what the term ‘social enterprise’ was because the person who used the term assured me that everyone else did. Yet I couldn’t find anyone who knew the term. I am not sure what a ‘resilient organization’ is but I’m betting people want to work in one. ‘High performance’ is probably better than regular performance. Things need to be ‘fully integrated’ but I’m unclear about what we are integrating with what. Another firm promotes their ‘real time functionality’ which I guess means that whatever they sell - it works when you want to use it.

Dilbert is alive and well and everywhere!! Simple and clear phrases are almost comically unprofessional. Jargon sure makes you sound important. And it’s everywhere.

But if you are speaking to have your audience understand you and your message, why use words that confuse them? Simple works. But if you don’t have clarity about what you do, the service you provide or the product you sell, you can muddy the word with jargon and overused overly complicated phrases that keep your customers and colleagues in the dark as well.

Speaking and writing clearly and concisely are skills that can be learned. Communicating something that is complex in simple and direct language is incredibly helpful. It translates the mysterious into the accessible.

Most of us learned that we could ‘dress up’ an essay question in school by throwing in a lot of information that wasn’t relevant. Few teachers were fooled, however, but a flimsy excuse for not knowing the answer to the question.